Rubbish

Suddenly feel like typing alot alot of things out. I dont know why suddenly feel like typing a long post. Perhaps because my brain could not store all those thing anymore, is time for me to let everything single shit out now or maybe im just being random who knows? This year is like going to end soon times pass like so fast but the other hand i feel that time pass so slow for certain thing. Well i dont know what im saying also but something i can assure is yes after my birthday, thing around me is going from bad to worse. Why ah ? I often ask myself why and what is the reason but always conclusion end up with nothing. Why cant my brain store more thing? I think my brain is going to burst soon like anytime, braincell like killing every single second. All i know is that my brain had been storing so many rubbish and unnecessary thing inside, how i wish someone can brainwash my mind now or let me knock down by a car so i can let my mind have a rest. Problems popped up like as they when they like, honestly i can say that till now all problems that appeared infront of me , i didnt really solved it in a best way. Im like mess everything up, things get even worse than before. Not making things better but worse, i know my ability now, not good at this , not good at that. Capable does not appear infront of me before, kay i think it will never. What happen what happen what happen ? What the hell, what wrong w me now ? I only know how to make thing worse , make others felt irritated, make people think this way and that. Studies, friendship, family, relationship every one of it really problems came up. Studies i really dont know why, i screwed up my prelims this time i have nothing much to say. Whenever i say i tried my best, i dont think people around me think so. All i get back was all just a face that they dont believe me at all. I know my ability i know i choose the wrong path, i know i cant do anything to change the fact now. But seriously, why cant others put them into my shoe? When i really tried my best all i get back was also just a word fail. I dont know why, effort gone into drain like every time even friends said im used to fail. Honestly saying no one like to do badly in their studies, who dont wanna study hard and score well. I wanna score well too, but however i tried my best in whichever subject result turn out the same too. It just only make me more feel like giving up and losing hope on it. I feel like slapping myself and ask me to wake up now, because N's is coming soon i cant afford to do badly again really if this time round effort gone into the drain again i cant imaging what will happen after next alrdy. Next friendship things getting better ? Sometimes i feel like a alien to them because im like always the one who speak w/o thinking, do w/o thinking. End up sound like a retard. People called me retard like Tanxinyi equal to Retard. Im really getting used to it, im tired of telling them im not,tired of repeating the same sentence , tired of answering why im not, tired of being such a idiotic person who always dont think before doing. So what if im tired, life still goes on like normal thing still happen around me. Family , quarrel w them like more often than before? Even how much i love my Dad, i just cant control myself not to bicker w him whenever he started to lecture me. Mum , quarrels always over for small little things and sometimes when just dont have the need to quarrel , we did. Time flies, you two may think that im growing older , being more stubborn now but you two just dont know what happen outside but kept lecturing me like im in a wrong sometimes. Just believe me like once in a while cannot meh ? Said me went out to study is to play is just a good example . When you two think tht im playing, do you two really take a second and think what you two say sometimes just make me pissed off , and proved that you two just dont believe what i say. I mean no point saying more when you two dont even believe me am i right ? My dearest brother i dont wanna say about it. Relationships took up the most memory space in my brain ? Maybe... And i bet this is the most difficult thing to get rid off right. What come round goes round, everything had already turned into a history now, what can i do now right ? The common word is let go, need more time . But really works not? i dont think so, feeling always come back randomly when as they like. When something you dont wish to let go, you alrdy dont have the motivation to let go. The feeling is so suck you know anot? Act one im fine , is not what every girl can do it, i know my limit i cant. Reminisced the past, time flies like so fast, yet something still cling in my mind. If/ Perhaps/ Maybe ,then result wont be the same? Outcome wont turn out to become like that ? When that time feeling started to fade , why things started to change ? Why did you always say sorry when thing happen? When i dont wanna a sorry but a good reason, yet always sorry just came up from you. Why did people started to cherish after they lost it? Why am i always start thinking after that, always make the wrong choice then end up suffering again. No matter how hard i tell myself not to think about alrdy, thing just flashing in my mind once in a while. I asked myself, why did i cry because of this ? But well, i just cant controlled sometimes, maybe after crying mindset will be more clearer. But no matter do i really regret now or what, all i know is life still have to goes on even w/o you now. Give me more time to get used to it. I still remember this, supposed to be something i actually looking forward to?160808. If only thing still continue like before, if only thing happen in another way. K, fullstop. i think i had finish what i wanna said. Shall have some sleep now and let my mind have a rest and look forward to a better day tomorrow (: Believe me, give me more time to let everything back to the square, let things goes smoothly, let problems goes off one by one. Ohwell, im just being so emotional right now. Mood do change.